Celebrations!

As Sarah and I complete of our first school year at AISC here in Chennai, we’ve had many wonderful experiences, and over the last few weeks we were privileged to take part in two significant family events. Shanthi invited us to her daughter, Shivagami’s, puberty celebration, and Subramani invited us to his middle daughter, Sumathi’s, baby shower.

These two gatherings reflect significant milestones in a person’s life in the culture here in South India, and we were honored to be invited. The first, Shivagami’s puberty celebration, was an evening affair at a large event hall near T Nagar, one of the world’s busiest shopping areas, where we knew we had arrived with our friends Ron and Barbara Wilson, when we discovered a tall, brightly lit hoarding (billboard) proclaiming Shivagami’s gathering. By the way, invitations to these parties are hand delivered by the parents who also bring gifts of fresh fruits and sweets.

Once inside the hall, we were welcomed with sandalwood paste bindi’s on our foreheads and guided to front row seats where we could enjoy the presentations by family and friends of more fruits and sweets and jewelry as Shivagami, in her magnificent gold trimmed sari, beamed her thanks to all.

Next, we were led to the dining area where we sat at one of the long, narrow tables and enjoyed a traditional South Indian meal on a banana leaf with several varieties of rice, sambar, rasam, chapati’s and appams and idli’s and a range of spicy chutneys–and where we demonstrated our continuing inability to deliver our food from leaf to mouth with only the fingers of our right hand.

Then, just before the semester ended, Mani’s middle daughter, Sumathi, celebrated the beginning of her ninth month of pregnancy with her first child, and I got to take part in the traditional shower ceremony . . . and of course another gigantic South Indian meal! Since Sarah was teaching and couldn’t join us, I had to eat enough for both of us . . .

As with Shivagami’s puberty celebration, a couple hours are spent with the ladies of the family along with close women friends, helping the honored guest with her make up and bangles and in wrapping her sari perfectly. Once that has been accomplished, the honoree takes her place on a throne facing the audience.

Sumathi looked radiant in the noontime heat as the ceremony took place outside at 12 noon on a broiling Monday as determined by the astrologer–an important aspect of planning for any significant event here. The official activities began as 21 women of the family and/or close friends, anointed Sumathi with sandalwood paste and then placed a glass bangle on each arm. Tradition says that bangles are gifted to women during the baby shower because the tinkle of bangles provides acoustic stimuli for the baby. How perfect!

As I wandered and photographed and constantly thanked people (“Why is he always saying thank you?”), the many children discovered the joy of posing and looking at the results and soon I was surrounded and begged for more shots. (“Photo, Tatta, photo!!”) BTW, since we don’t have any grandkids ourselves, I relished being called tatta. And once again, I failed miserably at cleaning my plate—okay, leaf—as the generous servings of rices and chutneys and sambar and chapati’s was beyond my capabilities.

All in all, a pair of delightful immersions in south Indian traditions and friendship where we were the only “abroad” people and felt so fully welcomed and included, even as we dribbled sambar rice down our shirt fronts. Thanks to Shanthi and Mani for inviting us!

Author: David Hassler

David M. Hassler was fortunate enough to have become a relatively rare male Trailing Spouse when his talented wife Sarah accepted a job teaching music in the elementary division of the American International School in Chennai, India, in 2017. His role included, for more than three years there, serving as her everything wallah, but also allowed him time for exploring, discovering, and sharing new places, new faces, and new tastes around Chennai, throughout south India, and beyond. When the pandemic arrived, Sarah retired and they moved to Lisbon, Portugal, where they continue to live and love life. David M. Hassler is a long-time member of the Indiana Writers Center Faculty and holds an MFA from Spalding University. His work has been published in Maize and the Santa Fe Writers' Project. He served as a Student Editor for The Louisville Review and as Technical Editor for Writing Fiction for Dummies. He is currently the Fiction Editor for Flying Island, an online literary journal. He is co-author of Muse: An Ekphrastic Trio, and Warp, a Speculative Trio, and future projects include A Distant Polyphony, a collection of linked stories about music and love, memories and loss; and To Strike a Single Hour, a Civil War novel that seeks the truth in one of P T Barnum's creations. He is a founding partner in Boulevard Press. View all posts by David Hassler